To all my Catholic, Mormon and Evangelical Christian friends,
In the spirit of negotiation and out of the kindness of my heart, I am prepared to make an offer to all of you who so fervently and passionately, in the name of religion, are supporting proposition 8.
This is MY proposition to you:
I would like you to allow me to have a civil union, (presently called marriage license, but you can change the name if you wish), with my partner of nine years.
I would like you to allow me to be by her bedside, in the event that she is ever in intensive care.
I would like you to allow me to decide, where we shall be buried.
I would like you to allow me to have a safe home, free from pillaging, in the event that one of us should die before the other.
I would like you to allow us to take for granted, as many of you do, all the rights that are granted to “ALL PEOPLE” in the constitution of my wonderful state of California and hopefully someday of this great nation.
Now at this point of my offer, you are all probably wondering what’s in it for you, so here goes my end of the deal.
To the Catholics: I promise I will never make fun of your over priced churches. I will not assume that all priests are pedophiles. I also promise that I will continue to buy those candies that your kids sell me, for some fund raising event or another. I will go to all your festivals, eat and drink excessively, and give you plenty of my hard-earned homo money.
To the Mormons: I promise that I will never make fun of you holy underwear “garments”. I also promise that I will never bring up those little racist secrets from your past, or the fact that DNA has disproved your book’s theories. I promise I’ll try really hard not to think that all of you have fifty wives. I also assure you that when you send your missionaries to my door, on their cute little bikes, I will continue to offer them something to drink, and I will never slam the door in their face.
To the Evangelical Christians: I promise I will never speak an unkind word again, about Tammy Faye Baker’s makeup, or her hubbies little visit to our prison system. I also promise not to laugh at the TV shows where you slap someone on the head; they fall, and are miraculously cured of what ails them. I also give you my word that if any of your leaders have encounters with prostitutes. Get busted. And cry a river of tears on TV while they ask for forgiveness. I will forgive them.
And to all of you, I would like to give you my word of honor that I will never step foot in your religious houses of worship, even though you are constantly inviting me to come in and join your gangs.
I am also willing to wear some form of identification, so you can cross the street if you see me on the sidewalk, or your children want talk to me, or I spend my money in your businesses. I don’t know just yet what I should wear? Perhaps a little black triangle will do.
As you can see, I am giving you much more in my offer than I am asking for in return.
So what do you say? Deal or no Deal?
With much love,
Lourdes Rivas
Los Angeles, California
